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Hot Parenting Topic of the Month Are Our Kids Overscheduled? "Children are being stressed out and damaged because they are involved in too many extracurricular activities." This is the concern expressed in the media and by many child psychologists and educators. It also lingers on the minds of many parents. Is it true? We will explore this issue in this month's column. For any of a number of reasons, children are enrolled in one or many extracurricular activities. Sometimes the reasons for their participation are justified, healthy, or necessary; sometimes participation is for the wrong reasons and may be harmful. Let's examine the reasons for children participating in activities outside normal school or daycare hours. No other child care arrangements are available. For single working parents or two working parents, their child must be supervised during all their working hours with responsible caregivers. For some children, this may occur in a single day care center; other children may be enrolled in a variety of activities each day of the week and sometimes on weekends. Parents are using their children to live through personal fantasies. Some parents always aspired to be a great cello player, a prima ballerina, or a major league pitcher, but never made it. They cling to the hopes that their child will surely achieve that success. Parents want themselves and their children to be accepted. Many parents fear that, if their children are not in the "in" activities, they have failed as parents. Therefore, they look to their friends and neighbors to help them make decisions regarding in which activities their children should be involved rather than considering the specific needs of their children. A child needs opportunities to develop natural talents. Some parents see signs of particular athletic, musical, artistic, or intellectual talent in their child at a very young age. Indeed, the greatest musicians and athletes started young. Therefore, parents may choose to give their child a chance to explore particular areas of skill or interest at a young age. Some children need specific opportunities to develop social skills. Many children, as a consequence of personality or geography , don't have easy access to same-age playmates or don't get along with other children very well. Therefore, parents may enroll these children in activities that will introduce them to other children in a structured and rule-driven environment, such as Scouts, ball teams, dance lessons, and religious social groups. Children need options to unsupervised TV and Internet use. Latchkey children (that is, those who come from school to an empty house) are prone to all sorts of social ills. To avoid what often amounts to non-productive and often destructive time, parents opt to enroll their children in formal activities. It's generally been my experience that many children begin music lessons at 4 to 5 years of age, join athletic teams at 5 to 6 years, start dance lessons at 4 to 5, and begin martial arts at 5 to 6. Decisions are often made out of necessity, due to work schedules of the parents. Optimally, however, activities should be selected based upon the child's expressed and demonstrated interests or specific personal needs. With children six and older, selecting activities should be a joint venture. Discussion of each activity should include the pros and cons (your friends do it, you're good at it, everyone says it's a lot of fun versus it'll take time away from doing homework, there'll be less time to play outside, you'll have to practice, or it's expensive). The ultimate goal is to help the child make responsible decisions and make a commitment to participate in an activity that has intrinsic learning, social, recreational, artistic, and/or athletic value. A major parental responsibility regarding these activities is to explore the people in charge. Parents should be comfortable that they are sending their children to a safe, secure, and nurturing environment in which they will grow in one or more ways. But how do we know if our child is stressed out by the schedule even when we have tried to do the right things? The three major signs of having overdone it are that your child resists going, has nothing positive to say about the activity, or shows a disturbing change in behavior, emotions, or academic school performance. Should these appear, it is time to consider backing off and looking at other options. Perhaps home daycare would be a healthier alternative. Or having a high school student or adult come into the home with a clear routine and marching orders might provide a satisfactory option for a child who needs more consistency and calmness. All children need some quiet time. We have learned a lot from the neonatal intensive care unit experience of ten years ago and from babies who have been in group day care since the age of 6 months for up to 12 hours a day. We know that the constant overstimulation in these settings take their toll. Many of these children show signs as they grow of attention deficits including distractibility, fidgeting, and inability to focus on learning tasks. They are not able to modulate incoming information well and to efficiently filter out unnecessary input. What this tells us is that all children need quiet time away from loud noise, crowds of other children, and constant stimulation. On a daily basis, regardless of how hectic the day has been, TV's, CD's, videos, and computers should be unplugged for at least a short time for parents and kids to talk in a quiet and comfortable setting. Lots of children love all the activities they do and that's fine. Lots of children hate being out of the home so much and that's sad for them; But it may be a parent's only option. However a little common sense on the part of the parents and a determination to provide quality quiet time for all family members on a daily basis will get most children through a difficult time in their life. Warren Umansky, Ph.D. Child Development Specialist		Parenting Topic of the Month

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