Hot Parenting Topic of the Month
Teaching Kids to be Responsible
re·spon·si·ble adj.
- expected or obligated to account for; answerable.
- involving obligation or duties.
- accountable.
- able to think or act rationally.
- trustworthy and dependable.
There's a puddle of milk sitting in the middle of the floor. You ask your
children who did it and the response is, "I didn't." Once again, you become
furious that your kids never seem to accept responsibility.
- Beds don't get made.
- Dirty dishes are left around.
- Toys are scattered all over the floor.
- Dirty clothes don't get picked up.
- Chores don't get done without constant prompting.
- Messages don't get passed on.
When we ask our children to take the blame for something, their natural
defense mechanism kicks in to deny any involvement in the "crime". This
may begin at a young age and is reinforced as time goes on. "Who left
this glass on the table?" "Why is a wet towel on the floor in the bathroom?"
For young children, the tendency is to move through their world without
a clear understanding of the rules. After all, meals always appear at
mealtime, clean clothes are always folded in the drawers or on hangers
in the closet, there are always toys to play with and a TV set to watch.
That's why young children may not do chores or repair "accidents" by themselves.
They don't see the relationship between themselves and anything outside
their very narrow world.
Your job, then: Beginning when your children are very young, help them
to see the relationship between them and the world around them. Here's
how you can do that......
- On a regular basis, have your child do thoughtful things for others:
share with a sibling or friends, bring flowers to an elderly neighbor,
volunteer with a local soup kitchen, donate toys or clothes to needy
families.
- Talk with your children about the implications and consequences
of their actions: leaving lights on, letting water run, leaving the
refrigerator door open, etc.
- Read or summarize daily newspaper articles for your children that
describe examples of responsible actions.
And here are other things you should do....
- Have your children help you with chores on a regular basis. When
they are young, let them assist you, or you assist them. Gradually,
let them do more and more on their own. They can help you with:
- folding laundry
- setting the table
- vacuuming and dusting
- cleaning out the car
- preparing meals
- making beds
- sweeping
- taking care of pets
- Don't try to determine who is responsible for "accidents" that occur.
Don't ask, "Who did this?" or, "How did this happen?" You are encouraging
your child not to tell the truth. If you know who did it, tell that
child to fix the problem. If you don't, tell all the children to work
together to fix it.
- Get all family members together and make a chart listing the responsibilities
of everyone in the house. It will be quite revealing, and a good jump-off
point for discussing responsibility.
- Praise your children for completed and well-done chores, but don't
overdo it. They shouldn't feel that rewards are due for their every
effort.
- Use an individual chore chart for each child and give stickers or
coupons for completed chores, especially to get children into the
"habit" of taking responsibility. Pictures can be substituted for
words on the chart for pre-readers. "Check the chart, Melanie," is
better than repeating yourself over and over about what needs to be
done next.
Warren Umansky, Ph.D.
Child Development Specialist
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